March 12th - March 25th

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Self-confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment

Self-respect: pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one behaves with honor and dignity. 

These are the official Google definitions of both of these terms however, I feel there is more to both of them. If self-confidence is trusting yourself and self-respect is confidence that you are a good human then where is the real part of self when we have turned it to compare ourselves to society? Where are the selfish me's and the I's? If I am self-confident I am confident in who I am as a human being in a society, if I have self-respect I respect who I am as a human being in a society. Which society, there are 8 billion people! Over the years the idea of “self” has been lost, the me’s and the I’s are constantly drilled out of us. “There is no “I” in team” a phrase I heard all the time growing up but I was never told how to make my team because soccer doesn’t last forever. 

Life cannot be lived alone. I have learned that humans have a certain amount of energy in them. We can show this as a glass of water that can be filled and emptied continuously. As time passes energy is slowly given to people, which can be consumed in various ways. Being in proximity and spending time, which is a valuable commodity in life, is spending energy and giving, and as the glass is continuously emptied it gets dangerously close to zero which for someone like me is an absolute mental breakdown waiting to happen. As we continue giving there are people in our lives that flow in and out and stay for a period and may leave. This group of 1, 2, or 10 people is your community, your team. As you go through the day giving, they are the ones who make sure your glass doesn’t reach zero. As you give a little you receive a little from these people. Now there are other kinds of people we meet that are only givers and live on the edge of a mental breakdown all the time because they haven’t found their team, and there are the opposite. People who never give and only take, but never truly receive any new energy, they just wither in their glass. In order to protect our team and the energy cycle we build we have to turn these people away.

Life cannot be lived alone, and it cannot be lived without the selfish me’s and the I’s because to be able to say “there is no I in team” we need to be able to safely, securely, and with true honesty and confidence say “this, is my team!” We need self-confidence to be able to walk alone and self-respect to turn away the people who want to empty our glass. We need to be ok with saying “You are not welcome on my team” while also continuously choosing to keep our minds open to new people and new chances for new teammates. We need the me’s and the I’s to be able to build the chance to say “we.”

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These past 2 weeks have been full of just stuff. I went to two doctors while I was home and got multiple opinions on what the next steps of my recovery are and we decided to start a new PT track and go back for a third and final round of PRP. As I got back to school after my spring break I had to get back into my rhythm with school and working out and though it took me a while I was able to do it and have gotten back on track with my classes and working out.

I have slowly started to hit again and my shoulder is feeling better than it has in months now. Though I haven't gotten to fully practicing yet I have continued to help out as much as I can in practice and matches. This past weekend both teams played Alabama State and though we didn't take home a win they played some of the best doubles I have seen so far this season and it was incredible to watch! We have some busy weeks coming up with many matches so the team will be tired but we are almost done with the season so it's a race to the finish. I am hoping to be able to get back into full practice before the end of the season and then focus on getting my game back to 100% over the summer when I am home which is making my stomach full of butterflies about how the club is going to work. After 4 years of walking into work with it ready to go, it has been a real challenge learning as I go to set up the club without Mom. I have had so much support and patience with me and it has been truly incredible. I am excited to show everyone what I can do and continue building on my mother's legacy which she left for me.

Thank you all for reading!