November 18th - 30th (Including Thanksgiving Post!)

"It is better to make a thousand mistakes than to think you know everything and not make any" - Paulo Coelho

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By: Zoe Crimmel

This post is late because the past 10 days have been full of anxiety, excitement, pain, and happiness. Now you may think, isn't that every week in your life, in everyone's lives? It was different because the excitement came from seeing my family, but the anxiety came from seeing my home in Colorado. The pain came from remembering that I was going to be filled with memories with Mom, but happiness to be with the people I love. It is so easy to avoid grief and pain in the journey of loss when it isn't staring you in the eye whenever you look at a spot that person used to stand in, a room that they were in all the time, an item that was theirs and only theirs. When I got home the first thing I did was go to my mom's old room and grab her engagement ring and put it on. I don't know why I feel it grounds me but it does. Simply knowing that it was mom's, it was on her 24/7 and I feel like it absorbed a part of her that I connect with when I put it on. It is grounding to know that by putting on her ring I am just a little bit closer to her and that to me is so grounding. I could also take my best friend from school and bring her home with me. Not only has this helped me because she has been holding me together these past couple of months, but I am also able to see my town through someone else's eyes who has never seen it before. She says things are gorgeous as we walk or drive and it reminds me to look and take pictures of the beauty that I am so used to I forget to remind myself it's there. It has been so fun showing her the world that I lived in and grew up in because now she knows a part of me that no one at my school knows. My true side is not held back by anything, where I genuinely laugh my heart out, smile like I mean it, and love like I am meant to. 

So when I tell my stories I have someone who will look at me not like I am crazy, or might be lying because the life I have lived in such a short amount of time has been so full, but with understanding because she knows where I come from.

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This Thanksgiving which is the first one without my mom, has been even more important to search for things that I am grateful for in my life. That even though there has been a cloud of darkness above my life there is still so much light around me. My list is so long but I hope you can use it to find things around you that you are thankful for. 

I am grateful for . . . 

My family has both given and chosen

My friends both far and close 

My community that has held my family and me above the water to keep us breathing

The people who have gone out of their way to make sure we are ok

The home I made memories in for the past 13 years and continue to protect them in its walls

The years of food that has been made for me and has grown my body

The opportunities I have found and created for myself

The strength I have to keep fighting for myself and the people I love

The strength to share my grief journey in the hope of helping others

The confidence to go through life as myself

The chance to chase my greatest potential

The drive to want to go above and beyond in life

This planet I want to strive to protect and save

My right to a voice

The ability to wake up every day wanting to live

The ability to live

The ability to walk, talk, breathe, live independently, love freely, and be myself

Life has so many things we take for granted every day and when asked what we are thankful for we don't go to the little things that to us are normal but for others are the only things they can dream of. It is so important to be thankful for everything in our lives because not only do we not know when it is going to change there are always people that don't have something you have. Be sure to remember that nothing in life is guaranteed and no one is going to be around forever, so tell people how grateful you are for them, and never take anything for granted.

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Before I go I want to say that I am thankful for everyone who takes the time out of their days to read the two cents I have on life as a 20-year-old. Every email I get saying anything from congrats to I love your stories and so much more makes my heart grow and helps me so much with my confidence to keep writing. Not only that it shows me the support I have around me and who I can lean on when my days are rough and long. Thank every one of you, whether you have been with me since my first post or started reading recently the support is incredible!